All I Want To Do Is Scream And Break Stuff!!!

Today has been a day of mixed revelations. I've had to stay indoors all day to control myself and my emotions. All i really want to do is pull my hair out, scream, break stuff and just cry my heart out. But i'm incapable of all these things; i'm not a screamer neither am i one to go around bashing up things to release my pent up emotions....but worst of all, i don't even know how to cry. It takes a lot for me to get to a place of tears, and when i do it's usually a huge deal as i never really go to that place. Been there once, when i had my heart crushed by some dickhead; it wasn't about the fact that we couldn't be together but more about the fact that i lost a good friend. I'm not one to make friends easily so when i do make friends with people, i try to do my best to make it work.

I haven't done much studying due to my mood today, instead i spent most of my day in bed forcing myself to sleep so that i wouldn't have to think or worry about anything as i already got a lecture from my mum reminding me that worrying doesn't really change anything. I'm finding it difficult to stay positive so i'm going to have to go back to basics and read some of my philosophical books, it seems like i'll be heading off to see my counsellor after all.

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