Day 12: I Really Really Want To Go Dancing

Seriously though, all through this week, i've been itching to do dancing and today on tv they showed 'Take The Lead' starring Antonio Banderas. I spent most of my time dancing whilst they were dancing, how sad is that? I'm just hoping no one saw me through the window doing it because that'll be quite embarassing. Tomorrow is going to be the end of this week and i have to say the motivations have been flying high so far. I spent today trying to do a reflective journal summary for my Business Communication course and also trying to create a folder for my new look. Since i'm loosing weight and my clothes are gradually dropping off me, i know i would have to replace pretty much everything in my wardrobe.

This for me is a HUGE HUGE motivation to stick to the plan and try to lose weight. I actually had to throw away four of my panties because they no longer sit on my waist. Today i was wondering why my jersey trousers felt weird while i was studying because i'd obviously tied the string on the waist so there was no reason for it to feel like it was halfway down my bum; well the mystery was solved when i realised that it was actually my undees falling off my waist!!! How mega cool is that? So now i'm down four key items in my wardrobe and counting. This is so exciting for me because it is a great opportunity to reinvent how i look and include those items in my closet that i couldn't include before because i felt they would only work if i got a whole new outfit to go with it. Now that i have to buy everything again, it is now or never.

I'm going to wear all the clothes i have now in my wardrobe until they become disgracefully embarrasing. I don't care how stupid i might look in the next couple of weeks. I have no intentions on wasting my money buying stuff that i'd have to replace again and eventhough the end of July is about 8 weeks away, the prospects of shopping for an entire new wardrobe are exciting, daunting, titilating and nerve-racking. I know that i've been going crazy sourcing pictures from the internet, storing them on my laptop and reviewing them over and over again and deleting pictures that i feel don't represent who i am, my style or how i would like to portray myself.

I've always wondered what the answer would be when someone asks: 'What is your style?' It's a pretty tricky question because i think style is more than what you wear. It's about how you live your life; the way you act, talk, react to others, dress. It's about your aura and personality; the atmosphere around you and the vibe you give off in the presence of others. Giorgio Armani once said that style is more about quality than fashion. I doubt he was talking about the quality of the material used to make clothes, shoes and bags. Probably he was talking about the quality of your essence: the things you choose to be part of your life and the way you choose to live your life. People always refer to Jennifer Aniston as a stylish person; if we were looking just from the aspect of the clothes she puts on then she wouldn't be stylish but more likely boring. But she's stylish because she has a timeless elegance and a certain aura and sense of self about her.

So when i think of myself, style and the kind of life i'd like to live i think of it in simplistic terms; i think simple and elegant with a quirky edge all ruled by high quality; some indulgent and colourful accessories [i'm thinking crystals and emeralds] to bring to life a simple pallette of blacks, white, blues and greys. I usually don't purchase outfits that are too colourful or have a high amount of colours in one item because it means that it dates quickly and makes it more difficult to wear over and over again. Coco Chanel once said that to be irreplaceable, one must always be different. I don't know that i can refer to myself as constantly changing; that is if you can ignore the fact that i've lived in different countries. But i think my style is mainly ruled by my personal nature which is stongly influenced by my astrological sign.

I'm a typical taurean; i'm stubborn, shy at times and i feel most comfortable when i'm surrounded by relaxing music and things that are warm, cosy, simple but luxurious. I love things that are pleasurable to touch, smell and taste like cashmere, heady perfumes and rich wine. For me it's always about quality over quantity and this transends to the human aspect. I hate it when people feel like life has been so shitty on them that they refuse to do anything to better themselves. No matter how pathetic things may be, you can go to a public library and pick up a book to enrich your mind without breaking the bank. I'm 100% sure this act is much more rewarding than heading down to your local pub and drowning your sorrow in alcohol.

And when it comes to relationships, i'm more interested in the boring old life of the tried and tested than the exciting life of switching from one arm candy to the other. I know sometimes i tend to winge a lot about the fact that i've never dated someone. But there's a reason for that; apart from the fact that i'm terribly stubborn and that all the guys who've asked me out have been weaker than i am, i'm not one for games or f**k buddies. I'm more interested in stability and security and for me this translates to being with someone that actually wants to be in a relationship as opposed to looking at it as another form of fun and time-wasting. I don't believe in falling in love, i think that's for people who are still in the clouds because when you fall in you fall out. I believe in learning to love someone as the day passes. I can easily be with someone who i'm not in love with as far as he understands me and we get along. A great cushion of understanding and sanity is the most important layer for me in learning to love someone. Guys with emotional instability and macho issues aren't welcome in my life neither would my mother accept them. My mum's like a warm glass of milk with a punch of cinammon in it so if a guy can win her over then he's certainly got a chance.

Moving onto food, here's what i ate today:

Breakfast: Two slices of toast with diary-free butter spreas

Dinner: 4 stacked 6-inch pancakes with maple syrup dripping all over it. I just used up my flour so i definately won't be making pancakes for a very long time because i'm going to give it up from next week. In relation to what i'm doing Goop-wise, i'm going to try and exercise at least 5 times next week for 30 minutes during each session. It's going to be fun and challenging to see if i can muster the courage to workout that much because i'm used to working out only 2 or 3 times in a week. Stay tuned for more tortures....

Source: Photo